Driftless

I wrote this back in September 2024, when life seemed to be throwing all the curveballs it had at me and when it felt as though my body was betraying me.

Occasionally I find myself back in this space. But now, when it arrives, it’s welcomed as an important -and these days- an mostly absent friend.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

1

: having no aim or direction: being without purpose

to the rookie, military directives seem driftless

2

: free from glacial drift

a section driftless except for loess deposits

We are told that when we feel lost, isolated, inert or purposeless we have to do ‘something’

to get us out of this state.

But what if this state of driftlessness is showing us the direction?

I have felt driftless many times. The latest time is now.

Normally I’d rush to my ideas books, swipe files, and vision statement to rediscover my purpose. The scrabble for reassurance and relief that indeed I do have a purpose, I’m good at what I do, and that the feeling is a fleeting insecurity.

This morning was different.

I decided instead of rushing to the books, I’d look up the definition of driftless.

Yes, I was definitely in category number 1. So I got a pen and paper and allowed the

thoughts and feelings to come through.

I discovered that I’ve felt driftless since redundancy in 2012. It felt as though my highly valued and highly paid skills were rendered useless. Yet I also realised that as soon as I’d thought it, it wasn’t true.

I felt driftless after a chronic health diagnosis of leukaemia in 2012. The medical world seemed frightening, yet safe clinging to it. So I didn’t actually need a purpose. I just accepted my lot.

I realised that this was not true either, but it had been holding me back for a very long time.

I looked at the mindmap. I decided to release the feeling of uselessness and safety.

I released the need to have a purpose.

Then it came to me. What if driftless actually meant drift less?If drift less was the answer then it was simply a case of allowing Drifless to give me a message. I have been drifting; uncertain to put down roots, always on the lookout for a deterioration in health, unwilling to go ‘all in’ in case it was the wrong decision.

I realised with clarity that I had lost confidence in myself and my ability to always find a solution. I hadn’t given up, just fudged taking full responsibility for myself.

The message this morning was powerful. I realised that being driftless prevented me from showing up and sharing my inner world.

But to me, it also mean’t drift less.

Drifting is important- it’s the way we move into imagination and creativity. But not then taking an idea and creating with it means that we stay in the state of driftless. My soul loves drifting, loves ease and flow…. but it sometimes requires dis-ease to identify where I am not fulfilling my true potential.

Once I’d finished my state of wonder about drifting less, I went downstairs to make a cuppa. Looking up from the sink through the window I saw my favourite friend Robin. I haven’t seen him/her for months, yet there (s)he was perched on the fencepost.

I took it as a sign that I had received the right message for me at this time. The message was communicated, received and thus no longer required.

So today I am drifting less. I am focusing on one thing- writing this post.

That’s all I need to know.